Why?

It's hard to believe it has been four weeks since I saw my sons beautiful face. God how I miss it, his smile, his laugh and gorgeous curls.

I wake up everyday wishing someone would wake me up out of this nightmare. I feel like everyday is a blur, I'm only going through the motions of my world.

Everything I know tells me I should be angry, sad and heartbroken, but I feel numb. Numb, Nothing. I cant really explain because at the same time i feel nothing, I feel every emotion possible.

I am so angry I want to throw things til there's nothing let to break. I want to curl up in a ball and cry til I have nothing left to give. I want to know WHY? and at the same time I don't care, I just want my son back. I want to hear him burst through the front door and call out to me "Momma, can I have some money". I never thought I would miss those words but man do I.

I know I can be strong and my faith in God keeps me grounded but I wish I could just fall apart, even for just a little while. I am tired of being strong but the rest of my family needs me to be strong.