Three weeks have gone by sine Robert passed away and I feel like life is......
I don't know I just feel like I'm going through the motions everyday. Life just seems unfair to me right now. It seems wrong that I get to walk this earth when my beautiful son cannot.
I know my head tells me it will get better, but my heart just can't stop hurting.
I find that I still look at my cell phone looking for that text from him and wondering why it's not there. This can't be true, it has to be a bad nightmare that I can't seem to arouse from.
Most days I cant find the strength to even get dressed or shower. I try for the sake of my family but just going to a friends house the other day sent me into a panic. I shouldn't be having fun, my son can't so why should I. This keeps running through my mind. Even though I know better, I can't help it. I try to force myself to do things and it feels like those around me want the old Vanessa back. I have to tell you I don't know if she will come back. I don't even remember her much. I am consumed with the pain in my heart and don't know how to get past it.
Everywhere I look, I see Robert and I AM ANGRY. Angry that he was taken from me, angry that he was taken from his family that loved him so. I know he is with Jesus and for that I am grateful. But no one asked what I wanted because I wanted him here with me for the rest of MY life.
I miss him so much. Robert was the light in my life that saved me when I was young. When I had him I realized that there was more to life than what I wanted. He showed me how to love someone with my whole heart from the moment I knew he existed. He is with my Lord and with my parents this I know yet it doesn't make it any easier.
Dear God, please give me strength.
I am sorry as I read it over my thoughts bounce around. I am in a place that both confuses and frustrates me .
No comments:
Post a Comment