Alone

It has been a long time since I was here writing things down. So much for the promise to myself to keep a daily journal.

Things have been extremely hard since I lost my son. Some days I can't even see straight.

We decided to move to Arizona, and things have happened pretty quickly. So much so that I have been living here by myself for the past month. I can now understand why a convict can go insane from being placed into solitary confinement. Most days aren't to bad and I do have my new job. But today has been the absolute worse day, for many reasons. First and foremost I miss my family, and I miss my Robert so much so it feels as if my heart is being wrung dry.
Don't get me wrong I think in the end this is a good thing for all of us, but being in this big old house by myself with no one to talk to but the dogs, and by the way I am afraid to let them out at night cuz it's so extremely dark outside (live in the country). I can't help but feeling lonely. It didn't help that when I called my husband last night he sounded like he was having a good time, he took his mom out to dinner and a movie, while I sit here alone watching the same thing over and over cuz I still don't have cable and eating frozen dinners. I sound like a 2 year old. but I cant help the way I feel.

I feel like I have been banished from the kingdom.

I have never been alone more than a few days so this is terrifing for me. All I can do is let the tears flow because I truely don't know what else to do.

I have date next week with Robert to see Harry Potter. We had planned on it since the last movie. He may not be with me in body but he will be with me in spirit.