Sunday

I woke up this morning with every intent of hiding under the covers after a long emotional couple of weeks. but as I began I posted a comment of Facebook and lo and behold, I was busted by my Pastor saying I still had time to make it to the second service. What was I supposed to do, but go.

I am so glad I went. Tha music was glorious and uplifting and the sermon reminded me that God can do anything. I am so blessed to believe in a God who loves me and is so good.

The rest of the day wasn't all easy God tests me all the time.

I may have lost a good friend and in the same token i just had to let one go.

I still have my family and God.

I know I'll be OK. eventually

Life is Good!!!

I walked out my front door this evening and took in the fresh air. Listened to the stillness of the night and realized Life is Good.

I don't have the perfect house, the perfect body or the perfect husband. My children are far from the perfect kids. I'm not famous and never will. All my childhood dreams didn't come true.

But i have the greatest things in the world.

I have a husband who works hard and loves me despite my faults.
I have three amazing boys. i am truly blessed to be there mom.
I have a beautiful home with all its quirks.
I have a job that I love.

I have the perfect family for me.
I have my husband,
my three boys,
my oldest sons girl friend,
three dogs,
a cat,
two birds,
A fish,
a guinea pig,
two hamsters,
and two mice.
What more could I possibly want or need.


Life is Good.

Tattoos

Tattoos are considered a humans way of decorating there body, and for some it is a way of branding themselves as a member of a gang or club. i have never been keen on them for myself but have found some to be fascinating, some beautiful and others well horrible. A couple of my brothers have gotten many for reason i would never approve of.

thirteen years ago I did get the outline of an elephant (because i think they are the most beautiful animals on earth) and never really thought of getting any thing else. EVER. Tattoos hurt by the way. But let me tell you thanks to a commercial I saw last year of being a true football fan. This girl bends down to pick something up revealing her Cardinals tramp stamp, I had to have one of my own team.

After almost a year i got the nerve up to get the San Diego Charger bolt done. I now remember why i was in no hurry for another. My hubby bit the bullet and got the new Detroit Lion logo done as well. Oh his is on his arm, couldn't get him to go with a tramp stamp.

Well I still don't agree that some one should be tattooed from head to toe but a few tasteful ones i think are more than OK. Let your personality show. I did tell my husband to not feel bad cuz I will never put his name on my body and i won't allow him to put mine on his. I never plan on leaving him but you never know what the stars have in store for us.

I like my tattoo now that it's done, but boy was I wanting to change my mind while it was being done. I hate pain.


So now to color in the elephant.

Friends

I have to admit that I have had trouble all my life when it came to friends. When I was growing up I was truly a bitch to my friends. Supposedly for their own good and my need for control. As a young adult, i catered to my friends, so much so that they came before my needs or the needs of my family. The old adage came true "you reap what you sow." I screwed my friends in high school and then my friends screwed me right back in adulthood.

I gave up on having friends when i married my husband. After all he was my best friend. the last friend i had hurt me so deep i didn't ever what another friend that could do that to me and that could make me feel as awful. She was the maid of honor at my wedding and a year later our friendship was tested and couldn't survive. I was crushed, a part of me still is.

I decided that i no longer needed any other friends until recently. I felt like an outsider watching my co-workers discuss the fun time they had the night before or over the weekend, whether is was out for drinks, dancing or karaoke. They would invite me and I would decline. One day my wonderful hubby told me to just go and I couldn't believe it, I had fun.

My trouble hasn't been making friends it has been keeping friends. I never hold back what i think and I say things I shouldn't. I don't appreciate secrets and I'll them on things I know. While I know most people don't like this about me, it is who I am.

Most people don't know this about me because if you look at me I am always smiling and laughing, even if I'm alone, but what no ever see is that fun loving happy person they see is at the verge of tears in public and always crying inside.

I do believe friends can bring us something special, I also know they can bring us many years of heart ache. So the term BFF doesn't exist for me and can't say that it ever will.

Fork in the Road

Why is it that, when life puts a fork in the road we stop dead in our tracks.

We go through life so carefree thinking that the choices we make will lead to to the end we have invisioned. But what do we do when that doesn't seem to be happening.We stumble, we fall we ask why.

I know Ihave. Life has taken me directions I never thought I would go. I never thought I would be a single mom. I never believed I would find my other half. The person that completes me, but I did, and he's tolerated me for over thirteen years. I never imagined I could raise three strong boys and that their love would make any heart ache disappear. I never thought I would ever have to say good bye to my Dad. I never planned on becoming a nurse.

Even though I never asked for or planned any of these things, life is pretty good. God gives a specific hand but as we play the game with him he teaches us and deals us a different card. I am eternally glad that i have never turn away from him because as I have learned he knows me best and has given me the best hand in the world.

Its funny that we always think we know what we want, but we really don't. Not at least the true desires of our heart.

I thank God every day for leading me to the fork in the road that only he knew would truly fulfill me.

Friendship

A friend is a rare species. i believe that many people will come into our lives and make an impact on it. Some will be for the better and some for the worse.

I have noticed that there are many levels to the depth of a friendship with each and every person. We all have those friends we are acquainted with and those we only work with. There are those friends we know everything about and there are those we have known our entire lives. There are friends we hang out with , friends we talk with and friends we tell are deepest secrets to. and there are those we share our hearts with and then there are those that know us better than we know ourselves.

Yet with all the levels of friendship how many of can truly say we have had an honest to goodness true friend. I'm not sure i can say i ever have. i have had many friends for many reasons during different times in my life, but i can not say that i have ever found that one true honest to goodness friend in anyone except my husband. But we all need that one outside source of comfort that knows all our secrets and faults and love us anyway and would walk through fire with us holding our hand saying that everything will be all right.

i have realized that true friendship pr the lack there of is a very important aspect in our lives. I hold high expectations where my friends are concerned. I always tell the truth to those around me and i never hold anything back. i have few to no friends because of this trait, but even so, my approach has never changed and i expect the same courtesy in return from those around me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and never hold back my tongue.
I have tried to accept that others are not like me in that respect, but i find it hard to do. I take it so personally when someone lies to me or attempts to hide the truth or their feelings from me, that I find I would rather be alone than to endure that heartache there actions create.

I have realize that these people will all come and go into my life, and ALL of them will affect or change me in some way, whether good or bad, but in the end I refuse to change who I am for friends to stick around.

My husband. We have been married for thirteen years this August. I love him dearly. He tolerates my incessant need to talk his ear of (i don't think he always hears me though). He has been a great partner and father. He never gripes when he has to work. Of course he doesn't always want to go but he has to be near death before he would call in sick. He is a plumber with a wonderful company that has seen us through some tough times. He's been with them for over 10 years.

I can't say that our lives are perfect but we have realized that especially during trying times we can get through anything as long as we are together. We don't see eye to eye on everything, the biggest argument is politics, he's a republican and I'm a democrat. this equals lots of debates. Religion is another struggle because i believe in God and Jesus with everything i have but my Jimmy struggles with what he can't see. He is trying. He goes to church with me on occasion.

Jim does struggle with allot of medical issues. He has become diabetic and has peripheral vascular disease to the legs which causes them to swell to the point of being painful. His blood pressure runs high and he is over weight, but I'm one to talk, i have my own demons when it comes to weight. I am proud of him he is going to nutrition classes to help him with his weight lose. i believe once the weight comes off my husband will feel so much better and all these health issues will drop off by the way side. The bonus is my husband will be super hot when he reaches his goal weight. so back off ladies he's mine.

I love my husband dearly and that God for bringing him into my life. I am one of the lucky ones.