Time

Wow, time has flown by this year.

I can't believe it almost time for Christmas.

My birthday was this past weekend and I had a really nice time. My husband surprised me with some friends and gifts. He is such a sweetie, most of the time.(no ones perfect). The only thing missing was my mom. Every year she would give me a gift that had absolutely no rhyme or reason. Just something she came across, that she felt I should have. I miss that gift this year and I missed my lunch date with her. We weren't as close as we should have been but I think of her allot. I am glad she is at peace but I can't help but wish she were still here with me.

Halloween, we had a party and some good times and laughter with friends. One of them did leave unexpectedly without saying a word. I'm sure there is good reason but I don't understand, she had talked about hanging out and having fun for weeks. Whatever it was I can only hope she would know that if it was what I think it was, I wish she would have said something so that I could have made the choice not leaving so suddenly and letting me worry about her.

Oh well, I am learning to deal with disappointment and changes life keeps throwing my way.

I would like some time of peace in my home. If anyone can help let me know.

Is it enough?

As I drop off my youngest son at school, I can't help but wonder have I given my children enough?

I'm not talking material things because in that respect they got to much, but did I give them enough of me.

I always wanted to be the kind of mom that walked my kids to school, was there waiting when they got out. I wanted to be the volunteer in their class, and be there for every game, practice and performance. But some how through like I am not that person. i would on some days rather be at work instead of at home with them. Why? Is it wrong of me? I love my boys with all my heart and would throw myself in front of a bullet for any one of them.

I see moms out there that that's all they do, and they seem to love it.

I guess I will never know. All I can do is tell them how much I love them and be there when they call.

so here and now for the world to see I want my three boys to know I love them.

I love you Robert

I love you Trevor

I love you Kevin

You three are my world. I may not be the mom I dreamed of but I am your mom and that makes my life worth while.