Momma

On Saturday August 29th I lost my mom, and on Friday Sept 4th I lay her to rest.

My mom was a feisty little Mexican lady. She was a great lady. We didn't always see eye to eye, but how many mother and daughters do. I will always remember watching my mom work two jobs and give up the things she needed for the things I wanted. That is who she was, all the way down to her grandchildren. Her underwear would have holes but she would by me that top, or shoes that I didn't need instead of replacing the stuff she needed.

My mom had suffered for over twenty years with debilitating rheumatoid arthritis. Then coupled it with diabetes and high blood pressure. In her final years my mom became frail, so frail that she began to fall repeatedly,, but she wouldn't give up. She was strong.

My mom was a great mom and did the best with what she had. Despite our differences and arguments we had quite frequently I would never trade her for the world. I now take comfort in the fact that her pain is over and she is finally happy and with loved ones that went before her. i will miss her more than I can say. My heart hurts because she is gone but it also smiles at knowing she no longer has the pain she had here on earth.

We will all miss you so much momma. I love you with all my heart. Rest in peace, until we meet again.

Never more than we can handle

The past couple of weeks I have had to do some major soul searching. I have had to look so deep within myself to find the strength I would need to make some hard decisions.

My mom feel a couple weeks ago for what I believe is the seventh time this year. When she was finally brought in to the emergency room she was severely dehydrated and septic. I realized at this point that she could no longer live alone. I have been pushing this idea away for months, but it was now time to act.After four days in the hospital she was placed in a nursing home for some rehab. She made me promise years ago that I wouldn't put her in a home and look at what I had done.

The day the took her there I come to make sure she was OK, and when I told her she would only be there for rehab until she built her strength back, she asked where did I get the idea they would help her. She may have been confused but she was right. Within two days they lost her dentures and she wouldn't stop saying she was in pain. My momma has been dealing with her pain for decades, and when I asked the nurse if she was getting her pain medication she said yes. What she failed to inform me of, was that they changed the frequency and the amount. It broke my heart.

When I got home and told my husband all he could say was when do you want to bring her home. i wasn't sure until he went to see her because I was at work. He called and said she's coming home as soon as I can get a room built for her. My wonderful husband said "she's not staying one minute longer than absolutely necessary." We can't add a room to our house right that wold be to expensive. So we came up with next best thing. I have a formal living room and dining room one the first floor of our home, so my husband is putting up a wall with a door for her. It will be big enough for her bed, her recliner and dresser with a TV in it, and of course she will always have access to the rest of the house.

I'm not quite sure how I will handle taking care of my mom as her health continues to fade but one thing I am sure of; and that is with God at my side I WILL keep my promise to my mom, and she will never return to a nursing home as long as she has me.

My mom and I haven't always seen eye to eye on things, but beyond everything we have said and done to each other we have always loved the other. I can still remember all the things she gave up because of me so maybe this is my opportunity to give something back to her.

Since i became a mom eighteen years ago I know what she sacrificed in life so that I could have better than she did. I can only hope that I did the same for my boys. I wasn't the perfect mom but I tried to show them how much I loved them and made sure they had everything I didn't and more. My Robert will tell I didn't show him that love when he was kicked out of the home he grew up in, but the tough love he received gave him just a good enough kick that look at him now, I couldn't be prouder of him.

Robert has a full time job where he works his but off and he has the ability to go straight to the top. I was so lucky that God trusted me to be his momma. Trevor continues to have the ability to make me laugh and cry all at the same time. And Kevin loves with all his heart and can make me feel like smiling even when the rest of the world isn't right. What did I do to be blessed with these boys. Aside from the bad stuff that comes with being a mom, they are wonderful.

So as I embark on this next journey of taking care of my mom now I pray to God that he guides me through each step and that he gives me the patience to deal with everything he has handed me and I believe that God never gives us more than we can handle.